If you need a good laugh on my account!!

I have to start with the movie "Something about Mary" for you to truly know what I was thinking. The part where Ben Stiller's character zips up his beans and frank in his zipper and everyone has to come and look and freak out!!!
OK, so Ryan and I are finally lucky enough to go to the fertility clinic and see what we need to do to get started with In Vitro. We got our first visit on my birthday (happy birthday to me present). The Doc did an ultrasound that discovered three cysts and what he thought looked like a fibroid. The fibroid is a non cancerous tumor. So, he wanted me to come back to do a saline sonogram to know if I have to have surgery before we can do anything. You have to be at a certain point in your womanly cycle for this to work, so he scheduled me to come on Dec. 24 before he left on vacation.

So I get there with Ryan on the 24th. They tell me this is a very uncomfortable procedure. So, first off it is not my Doc. My Doc decided to take his vaca early. So this other Doc doesn't know any of my history and is trying to do catch up, so he wants another ultrasound first so he knows what he is dealing with. Right off the bat the machine goes down and we have to wait for it to reboot. Then he does that and finds no fibroid. Then he tries to do the catheter to put in the saline. I inform him that every Doc has had trouble with getting it to go in. So he wants to try something else. When he goes to take out the thing that holds you open down stairs, he discovers that it is broke inside of me!!!!! He can not turn the knob of it to get it down. he looks and Ryan and say: "Sir are you feeling strong? Do you want to give it a try?" Ryan says : "NO!" The Doc looked horrifying and calls in a few more nurses. So here I am spread eagle on this dang table with all these nurses and the Doc trying to figure out how to get this out of me!!! I of course thought of the movie Something about Mary and was a little worried they would be calling in lots of people to try and deal with the situation. How vulnerable am I at this point. I was trying to hold it together, but freaking out inside!!! They finally after about 10 minutes got some plyers and got the bolt to turn and got it out.
The Doc tells me that never in his 20 years has anything like that ever happened before to him! (Thanks that makes me feel all better!) So he tells his nurse to throw that one away! Then he chooses a smaller one. That one after about 1 minute shots out on it own hurting like hell on the way out! He looks at me again and says how sorry he is that he know that hurts. (Yeah, I really doubt he KNOWS how that feels.)
Then he proclaims he finally got the catheter in . I tell him I feel lots of water coming out. He says that is normal, then say "Oh, I guess it isn't in."
So they go about trying again. Only this time they use the ultrasound machine to guide it. (Mind you all of this is kinda painful!!) When he finally gets it, it seriously lasted like 20 seconds and he said the machine took about 2000 pictures and he got what he needed.
He almost ran from the room he was so embarrassed about all the things that went wrong.

After we left Ryan and I could laugh about it, but while it was happening, it was pretty dang freaky!