Results

We do know how many babies are inside me. The magic number is 1! Can you believe it. I'm a little shocked after we put in three eggs. I really had a feeling it might be twins, but as usual I am wrong. I am still super excited though and I guess that is why I felt like we needed to put in all three. We are very lucky to have this blessing. Thanks goodness for prayer to Heavenly Father and modern technology to let this even be possible for us. The due date it Feb. 3, 2011!!! I waited to post this till I saw the heart beat, but we have known for a week now. I am so grateful that we get to add to our family, this has been a dream of ours for many years now, and we are just ecstatic!! To tell you the truth, I don't even care if we get a boy or a girl. I love having a girl and wouldn't mind another, but we would definitely love a boy too. So what ever happens is great!
Thank you all for all your many, many prayers on our behalf!!!

Whaoooooo!

So of course you all know what I did on May 16! The embryo's were transferred. Well, my sis-in-law works for my gyno here in I.F. I called her Monday to see if I could do the test early as in Friday instead of Saturday. Well, my gyno said I could do it as early as Monday if I would promise not to be upset if it was negative because that is still early. Well, it has to be at least a 10 to be a positive. On Monday it was 21! Yay! I was really excited but still scarred. I told my In Vitro nurse the good news when she called me back. She said to get tested again Thurs and Saturday to make sure the number keeps going up. Well, I did go on Thursday and she didn't call me back until this morning. The number shot up to 147!!!! She said that is a good strong number. Now I get to go back on June 5 to see how many are in there. Most people do not even know they are pregnant this early, so I am really lucky they let me find out early. I'm not even two weeks since the transfer.
Ryan didn't want me telling anyone because so many things could still go wrong, but I'm sick and tiered of all the bad news I get to post on here. This is so exciting!!! We are both ecstatic and pray that everything stays on track and we get a baby out of this.
We have really experienced so many little miracles in this long process. I know God has heard our many many prayers as well as all of those offered by all of you! A while back I posted that I had got some really bad news from the Doc I wasn't going to talk about yet. Well, he had called to tell me that my endometriosis had depleted my egg reserve and that I may not have any eggs. He wanted to talk about egg doner with me. I decided to just go ahead and try and see what we got. Well, the Doctor was shocked when we got 5 eggs and of the 5, three had fertilized. He told me that he had never in his 20 years seen anyone like me get results like that. I knew that was a huge miracle that Heavenly Father blessed us with. Part of the reason I really wanted to do In Vitro was so I could see what Ryan and I mixed genes would look like in our children and so I could be the one controlling all that goes into my body. The option to adopt is still on the table some day down the road, but In Vitro was now or never.
Keep those prayers coming, they do truly help us. Thanks you guys for sharing all your love and support with us too.

The Big Day!

We arrived at Reproductive Care Center early because we were so excited. They gave me a Valium before the procedure, but I don't think it kicked in till after. It really didn't hurt like all my other procedures because they mapped my cervix and knew exactly where they were going. They told me all the other Doc's most likely got caught in my c-section scar from the inside. Lovely huh. After it was all over I was so tiered. That is when I think the Valium finally kicked in for me.
So far I have been feeling a little bit of discomfort and a feeling of bloating. They said that would be normal, so I am taking it as a very good sign.
I have to wait till May 29th to know if I am pregnant, and a couple more weeks to know how many I am pregnant with. Yay, I can hardly wait!

Sunday

So, Sunday is the big day!! I can hardly wait. I woke up really early today, because I am so excited. I pray all goes well for the embryo transfer. So keep those prayers coming. I really feel good about this and know it is the journey our family should be on. Keep all your good mojo coming our way. :)

In Vitro

I am very excited, last week when I went to the Doc, my cysts were gone. :) He said he could fit me in with a batch (cycle) that just started. (They like to group a lot of women at the same time.)
So I got to start Meds that night. (That was Monday May 3rd).
Today I drove down again to have them check me out. I will not have a lot of eggs like other women, but he did see some good ones today. I got to take more shots and then I get to go down again on Thurs. If all goes well I will get to go Sat or Sun to have them implanted.
So, keep us in your prayers. We need all the help we can get.
I had Ryan give me a blessing last night and I feel really good about this.
It is an adventure to say the least, but one I am so grateful to have the opportunity to experience. I pray all goes well and we get a little one to add to our family.

Poor sick little girl.

My little Brynlee has been so sick this week. On Monday I noticed she felt a little warm and was cranky, but I had no idea what I was really in store for. That night she got really hot, so I called into work. (This is my co-teachers last week of work because she is having her baby on Monday April 26. So I really wanted to work with her all week instead of having to call in.) On Tuesday Brynlee scared me with a temp of 104.7 So I took her in to the Doc. Her only other symptom was diarrhea. He said not to be concerned it would just have to work its way through her system. Well I had to call in Wed too. That day she went potty like 10 times. (the very yucky kind) She was also complaining about her tummy hurting and didn't want to eat anything. She did drink for me though.
My work said I had to come in Thursday because their was no one. I begged Ryan to stay home because he was sick too, but he said he had to go to work too. I really didn't want her to go over to my mom's house and infect everyone over there, so I took her with me to work to show them I how truly sick my little girl was. I got there and she puked all over my shoulder and arm. Gross huh. (I do feel really guilty calling in sick to work, because I know we are short handed till one of our employees gets off her LOA)
I was sent home and I was in for a hellish day. She cried and only wanted to be held while I stood. She didn't want me to sit. Well, I can't physically do that all day. She is light, but I can't do that. I did however finally get her to sleep. (while she slept my work called and told me they worked it out for me to be off with her Friday too. I felt so relieved because I knew she was so sick) She did sleep for 2 hours and then daddy got home. She continued to cry and cry and hold her tummy. I felt so helpless. Ryan had come home because it was raining and he felt the same as Brynlee. He told me to run to the store to get them both some med and he would hold her.
I didn't even get on to 45th before he called me to come back because she threw up again. Of course he couldn't clean it up because it made him feel like vomiting too. (Poor guy huh, not!) Anyway, she seemed a little better after she puked. But she still wasn't herself.
Friday she still had some potty issues but she was able to hold a little food down. She even asked if she could go to school yet.
This morning she woke up hungry, but now my belly hurts! I really hope I don't get it now. But you can tell it took a lot out of her. She is still really cranky and we slept in till 8, and she fell asleep at 10:30 a.m.!!! I really hope when she wakes up that she feels better. Having sick kids is not fun. It gives me a new appreciation for my mother and all of us kids. She was always good at making us feel better. I tried my best to do the same for my little one. I was the only one she wanted while she was sick too. It does make you feel needed, but it is so draining.

Easter Fun

Losing the Toddler Look!

Here is my beautiful little girl. I can't call her my baby anymore. She is growing so fast. It is so exciting to see her turning into a little girl, but also so sad to see that baby stage go away. At least she still loves me and lets me kiss her in front of her friends. I know from working with children that stage will be soon to come. The Fertility Doc did give me more bad news, that I'm not going to go into right now. I get to do more tests. But look at the beautiful miracle that Heavenly Father gave me. I think she is the best blessing I have ever received! I am so blessed to be her Mother. I will keep praying that I will be able to carry another child soon, but I love the memories I have of carrying Brynlee inside me.

update.

Sorry I haven't updated what has been going on. I was a little depressed about the whole situation.
Surgery was of course worse than they thought, so they did end up opening me up. I figured on that, but what I had not considered happened. Not only did they take both my tubes, but they also took my left ovary! I was very upset by this development. Apparently it was completely consumed by my endometriomas.
So I only have one ovary left to do In Vitro with. That should be all I need though. My local Doc said he would get a hold of my Fertility Doc and at my next apt. tell me what is up. When I got to that apt. he told me to just get a hold of the Fertility Doc.
So as soon as I left his office, I called and got an apt for Friday the 12. I went back to work on the 9, so I asked my boss right after I made the apt and she said no way I can have off. (The fertility apt I could go in or call and talk to Doc at that time, so I didn't have to cancel)
Anyway, Friday came and another class was really low, so I said I'm going to go to my apt. So my parents were nice enough to go with me since Ryan could not.
When I got there the Doc said the other one never did talk to him or send the right info, so I had to tell him best I could what happened. We discussed options and he told me I was right on track that I could start the next day!!!!!!! I was so excited. He wanted to look at my ovary before he did any thing else though.
Unfortunately the ultrasound showed that I already have two cysts on my ovary. He said he is really concerned that I have two already when it hasn't even been a month since my surgery. He said we would do some blood work and if it came back that the cysts were not sending off too much hormone I would still be able to start the next day.
I got to meet with the Nurse next and she explained everything about the meds and shots and gave me a calendar that explained everything and it even included a due date!!! Dec. 15.
Now I was really excited.
They got my blood and I left on cloud 9.
Next day they didn't call. They told me they would call by 5, so I called left a message. They finally called me back at 6:30. It was bad news. They would have let me proceed if my hormone level was less than 70, it was 140! They also told me I am anemic and need to take an iron supplement. I told them that I had lost a lot of blood with my surgery. They agreed it might just be that but to take a supplement.
I held it together for about 15 minutes, but then reality sunk in and I was so sad!
Now I have to wait at least a month. They will do another ultrasound and blood test. If they are gone we will proceed. If not then they will put me on birth control. They want to see if the cysts go away on their own before giving me birth control, but I would rather just take it and get closer to In Vitro.
They know what they are doing though, so I do just need to be patient. It is still a huge rollercoaster ride!

Surgery

I was told by the Fertility Doc that he believed one of my tubes needed to be removed. So he had my local Doc do a dye test on me to see for sure if my tube was blocked.
This was a horrible procedure that hurt like hell on me. It of course was suppose to be only a little uncomfortable, but unfortunately for me, was so much worse than that.
I was very glad Ryan went with me to hold my hand. It felt like I was being stabbed on the inside of my body. It took him only about 30 minutes, but I was in pain for the next three days.
The Dye test showed that both tubes were blocked!! :( I was very upset and in pain and just wanted them all to leave me. The Doc said he would call the Fertility Doc and get back to me later that day. Well, It has been a week and a half with me making calls to make sure they didn't forget about me.
Today finally paid off. The Fertility Doc wants my local Doc to remove both of my tubes and a endometrioma with a Day surgery next week. Hopefully that is all it will be. Because last time I talked to the Fertility Doc he thought it might possibly be the kind of surgery where they open up my c-section scar to get in and clean it all out. Last time I had that done I was in a ton of pain!!!
This will mean that I will only be able to have children by doing In Vitro, no more miracle babies like Brynlee. But, that is okay. I just pray that it does all work out so that I can have another baby!

If you need a good laugh on my account!!

I have to start with the movie "Something about Mary" for you to truly know what I was thinking. The part where Ben Stiller's character zips up his beans and frank in his zipper and everyone has to come and look and freak out!!!
OK, so Ryan and I are finally lucky enough to go to the fertility clinic and see what we need to do to get started with In Vitro. We got our first visit on my birthday (happy birthday to me present). The Doc did an ultrasound that discovered three cysts and what he thought looked like a fibroid. The fibroid is a non cancerous tumor. So, he wanted me to come back to do a saline sonogram to know if I have to have surgery before we can do anything. You have to be at a certain point in your womanly cycle for this to work, so he scheduled me to come on Dec. 24 before he left on vacation.

So I get there with Ryan on the 24th. They tell me this is a very uncomfortable procedure. So, first off it is not my Doc. My Doc decided to take his vaca early. So this other Doc doesn't know any of my history and is trying to do catch up, so he wants another ultrasound first so he knows what he is dealing with. Right off the bat the machine goes down and we have to wait for it to reboot. Then he does that and finds no fibroid. Then he tries to do the catheter to put in the saline. I inform him that every Doc has had trouble with getting it to go in. So he wants to try something else. When he goes to take out the thing that holds you open down stairs, he discovers that it is broke inside of me!!!!! He can not turn the knob of it to get it down. he looks and Ryan and say: "Sir are you feeling strong? Do you want to give it a try?" Ryan says : "NO!" The Doc looked horrifying and calls in a few more nurses. So here I am spread eagle on this dang table with all these nurses and the Doc trying to figure out how to get this out of me!!! I of course thought of the movie Something about Mary and was a little worried they would be calling in lots of people to try and deal with the situation. How vulnerable am I at this point. I was trying to hold it together, but freaking out inside!!! They finally after about 10 minutes got some plyers and got the bolt to turn and got it out.
The Doc tells me that never in his 20 years has anything like that ever happened before to him! (Thanks that makes me feel all better!) So he tells his nurse to throw that one away! Then he chooses a smaller one. That one after about 1 minute shots out on it own hurting like hell on the way out! He looks at me again and says how sorry he is that he know that hurts. (Yeah, I really doubt he KNOWS how that feels.)
Then he proclaims he finally got the catheter in . I tell him I feel lots of water coming out. He says that is normal, then say "Oh, I guess it isn't in."
So they go about trying again. Only this time they use the ultrasound machine to guide it. (Mind you all of this is kinda painful!!) When he finally gets it, it seriously lasted like 20 seconds and he said the machine took about 2000 pictures and he got what he needed.
He almost ran from the room he was so embarrassed about all the things that went wrong.

After we left Ryan and I could laugh about it, but while it was happening, it was pretty dang freaky!

Christmas 2009

Christmas morning was very funny. Brynlee was so concerned that Santa was still in our house. She wouldn't let Ryan go, until she looked around and was satisfied that Santa was not here. Then she really enjoyed all the things Santa left for her. It was a fun filled day that we spent with both our families. We have truly been blessed with such great families in our lives. Thanks everyone for a wonderful Christmas!

Seven Years!

So of course I can't figure out how to upload a picture, but 7 years ago today I married my love Ryan! I remember I was so extremely excited to be getting married to the man I loved more than anything. Of course things have changed, I still of course love him. It's just that real life has happened, and it is not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes we do fight, but I wouldn't change one minute of our lovely marriage together. Ryan is a wonderful Father and I love my handsome man very much! I still remember the first day I meet him and how sad I was that I didn't think I would ever see him again. He was with some of my friends and I never dreamed he would look me up and call me to go out. When I look back at my journals, I feel in love with him fast and knew right from the beginning that we were meant to be together. He felt the same way, but wanted to wait to get married. He enjoyed living at home for free too much. So it we dated for almost two years. It would have been sooner if I would have jumped from a bridge into the water went we went bridge jumping in the summer, but I was too scared. Of course that is why he told me that of course.
Anyway, I just wanted to write that I love Ryan more than anything and I am so extremely happy that he came into my life and that he is going to be with me for all eternity!!! I live for him and Brynlee they mean everything to me, with out them I would be lost.
Love you Ryan

Watch and Jean Party

I just wanted you all to know I am almost to my goal of In Vitro. I am still trying to get there! So This Saturday Dec. 19 I am having another beading open house and I will have a girl here selling really cute jeans too. Feel free to stop by any time between 10 am and 2! I always post this on my facebook, but thought I would share it here too.

Better Late than Never

Yes, I know. Halloween is over and Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but I just got these posted. Sorry. I think they are pretty cute though. I can't believe how fast my little girl is growing. She is so much fun. I loved hearing her say "trick or treat". She loved Halloween and still talks about it. She had so much fun trick or treating with my class at Melalueca, at Boo at the Zoo, and Trunk or treating. Too bad I didn't get to do all that as a kid. We just had a pillow case and the neighborhood. Times have a changed!! :)

Bracelet Watches

Here are a couple examples of the cute watch bracelets I make. For the few of you who have never seen these, you can attach the bracelet to the same watch face, or get lots of both and mix and match. Lots of fun! I do parties at my house, where you can build your own for $12 for the bracelet and $12 for the face. If you buy the ones I make, they are $20, but I will cut you a deal if you buy a set. I have been doing parties and they are so much fun. I have one this Friday. Next Wed. I am going to do an open house @ my work and then I am going to do one the following Tues. at my mother in laws school and I will be doing the super Saturday for Church, but if more of you would like to host a party, I am more than willing to open my house or bring my beads to your house. I just made a new order for beads and watch faces, so get a hold of me quick if you want to do one or look at them.
I am really hoping I can earn money as quickly as possible so I can do In Vitro.

Fund Raising

So here are a couple of ideas I have for raising money.
My Mother in law made the cute apron and the woman who does my nails made Brynlee the cute hooded towel. Plus I thought I could order a lot of necklaces online as well as more beads and do a couple big open houses and send out flyer's or something to tell why I am doing this. Tell me if you think they are cute and weather or not you think I could make it work!

Not my time. :(

This week last weekend I have felt very crampy so I figured I wasn't prego and decided that I am not going to do any more IUI's. I decided I am going to go with IFV and try to do some fund raising or something to get on that as soon as possible.
Then the strangest thing happened. I always, always start spotting by day 26 or 27, but I haven't yet. So then I start to suspect maybe it finally worked. I am suppose to test tomorrow, but I begged the doc to let me today and get my agony over with. Well, the results from the blood test were negative. I was at a 2 again when you need to be at a 19 or higher to be pregnant.
Yes I was very upset as usual. Everyone at work already knows and were very gracious to give me the love and support I needed.
I really feel like this isn't something I can keep waiting on. A good friend of mine has a sister who has endometriosis like I do. She had to go in this last weekend in pain. They found her ovary had twisted over to the side and died, plus a huge cyst was in their and the endometrium had grown onto her bowels and intestines, sticking them together.
While I was pregnant with Brynlee, the endometrium stuck my bowels to my uterus. I am so afraid that something like that will happen to me and I will not be able to have more children. The Doctor only gave me those few times with IUI because he really feels that In Vitro is my only option. He just humored me with some try's.
So, I may be doing some fund raisers here soon to try and earn the money for In Vitro as soon as possible. I can not imagine not ever getting to experience pregnancy again. I loved feeling Brynlee move inside me, and to get to hold a new born baby that is yours is unreal!
Yes, I know motherhood isn't all sunshine and roses, but I am so grateful that I at least got to experience it. It has changed our lives for the better. Brynlee is a huge blessing and I am so grateful for her every day, even when she is naughty and frustrating me. She makes up for it with all her good behavior and love.

Number Four!

Yesterday I went in for another try at the IUI. This was my most painful visit so far. He had to use lots of instruments to get inside. He told me that every one's anatomy is different and that it is just harder for me. He said he rarely see problems like mine. I really wish that wasn't the case, but no pain, no gain right. That is the saying, so hopefully we will get another miracle out of this, so here's to praying for another chance!

Not a charm!

So, third time was not the charm! We are not pregnant. Their is a big story with this one though. I went in to have the IUI done on Thursday. By Friday afternoon I was starting to hurt. It was just like the pain I had with my cysts. By Saturday morning I could hardly move it hurt so bad. But I had a beading watch party @ 2, so I had to clean the house. Ryan was nice and helped. But, then he left with Brynlee because he didn't want to be here for the party. I took medicine and tried my best not to look like I was hurting. The party went well, but I was so cold. When everyone left, I took my temp. It was 103.2! I was shocked. So I took more med and fell asleep. It was only 5:30p.m. But I slept till Ryan got home @ 7. I told him I wanted a blessing, because I was really afraid what was going on inside my body. I was worried the temp would kill any chance I had. So He gave me one and I went to bed. The next morning I still had a temp and I was still in pain, but it had decreased a little. I went to Sacrament, but it really hurt to sit there, so I left and went home and napped more. I called my co teacher to tell her to come in for my early shift and I would try to be their by her normal time.
Monday morning came with my fever braking and the pain subsiding a little more. So I did go to work holding my side to control the pain. I called my Doctor and he didn't like what I said and wanted me to come in right away.
He did an exam on me and ordered some blood work and an ultrasound. So I basically spent all of Monday in waiting rooms. He wanted me to come back after my tests.
At my ultrasound I could see a tiny little sac that the tech measured. I asked her what it was, and she ignored me. When I got to the Doctors office he told me I had Hyper stimulated Ovaries. He said it is so rare that they never even warn people of the possibility of it with comid. So I asked if the chance this go round was over due to the fever and everything else and he told me that he really hesitates to tell me the next part. He told me about the tiny sac that they saw on the ultrasound was consistent with an early pregnancy. He told me I could be pregnant right now, so to take it really easy because it might not stick. I of course couldn't hold back my tears. I was so excited for the chance to be pregnant. He told me if it didn't work he would let me try again with a different drug called femara. He also told me he would let me take a pregnancy test early. So he ordered one for Friday.
I tried to take it easy all week, and when Friday came I was so excited to hear the confirmation that I was pregnant, but instead they told me I was not. They said I was at a 2 when you need to be over a 19 to be pregnant. I wasn't expecting that. They told me their was a tiny chance it could be wrong so to call when I started or if I didn't. So I cried and called Ryan to tell him.
Then I chose to believe that the test was wrong and that Heavenly Father could make the miracle happen.
But then Thursday night I started and I knew I was not pregnant. At least it gave me time to pull myself together before having to call the Doc the next morning. So on Monday I start Femara and get to have another try. He told me that I could get Hyper stimulated Ovaries again, but a lot of people who don't get pregnant on Clomid get pregnant on Femara. So I pray that I can become pregnant and get off this horrible roller coaster of emotions!!!!!!
It really sucks to think you might be pregnant only to find out it didn't take. It makes me really sad and makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. I know we need Heavenly Fathers help to make this work and I really hope that his timing will line up with ours soon. I really don't think I can handle much more of this. Plus I wonder what I did wrong to not let that last one stick. Should I have taken the whole week off and just lied in bed? These are some of the things I wonder.
At least I do have another shot at this. So keep those prayers coming in for us, we need them. I also need prayers of comfort to try to keep myself together here. It really sucks not feeling normal. I want my body to work the right way. I know we all get our trials in life and that they will make us stronger, but I also know sometimes you hit rock bottom before feeling better. I don't know where I fall in this.

Third Time

So, tomorrow I will go in for our third try of the IUI. I really pray this one works! They had a really hard time last time and of course that caused me pain. I really think if it comes down to doing In Vitro, It will be longer than I want due to funds. It costs a lot!!! I know it would be worth it though. So pray for us, We really want more in our family.

Bear World

So, I knew I would never take Brynlee to Bear World on my own, so I took her when I took my class. She was so good too. I knew all the kids in my class would help with her, because they all want to hold her hand. Anyway, she had a blast as well as my whole class. She really liked sitting on my lap and pretending to drive while we looked at the animals. We did this the end of July, but every time Brynlee see's a bus she signs bus to me and Bear. It is so cute to see she remembers things so well.
The last picture we were at the Rexburg Spray Park. She wouldn't even let me put her down. She hates to get her head wet. So maybe next year she might like that one.

Try #2

Okay, it has been a week, so I can talk about it. Try # 2 didn't work. I was really disappointed this time. I cried all day on Wed. So we are on try #3. I really don't know if it is even possible for me to get pregnant this way. My endometriosis might not let the egg out to where the sperm can make contact. Before the Doc told me he would only let me try 3 times, so this might be our last try this way. It may have to be in vitro or adoption, in which case you will see me having lots of bracelet making parties to try and pay for it.



Bracelets
I did want to tell everyone that I was going to start doing parties to make those cute watch bracelets. Marnie and I ordered a lot of fun beads and watch faces, so if anyone is interested in having their friends over to host a party give me a call. It is so much fun! Sorry, that doesn't go with what I was writing, but I did want everyone to know. I already have a friend doing one on the 15th at 2 if you want to come to that one. You can bring friends ! Watch faces 10 to 12 dollars, and it will be $12 to make one or $20 to buy one I already made. 208-757-9740 to get a hold of me. :)