Easter Fun

Losing the Toddler Look!

Here is my beautiful little girl. I can't call her my baby anymore. She is growing so fast. It is so exciting to see her turning into a little girl, but also so sad to see that baby stage go away. At least she still loves me and lets me kiss her in front of her friends. I know from working with children that stage will be soon to come. The Fertility Doc did give me more bad news, that I'm not going to go into right now. I get to do more tests. But look at the beautiful miracle that Heavenly Father gave me. I think she is the best blessing I have ever received! I am so blessed to be her Mother. I will keep praying that I will be able to carry another child soon, but I love the memories I have of carrying Brynlee inside me.

update.

Sorry I haven't updated what has been going on. I was a little depressed about the whole situation.
Surgery was of course worse than they thought, so they did end up opening me up. I figured on that, but what I had not considered happened. Not only did they take both my tubes, but they also took my left ovary! I was very upset by this development. Apparently it was completely consumed by my endometriomas.
So I only have one ovary left to do In Vitro with. That should be all I need though. My local Doc said he would get a hold of my Fertility Doc and at my next apt. tell me what is up. When I got to that apt. he told me to just get a hold of the Fertility Doc.
So as soon as I left his office, I called and got an apt for Friday the 12. I went back to work on the 9, so I asked my boss right after I made the apt and she said no way I can have off. (The fertility apt I could go in or call and talk to Doc at that time, so I didn't have to cancel)
Anyway, Friday came and another class was really low, so I said I'm going to go to my apt. So my parents were nice enough to go with me since Ryan could not.
When I got there the Doc said the other one never did talk to him or send the right info, so I had to tell him best I could what happened. We discussed options and he told me I was right on track that I could start the next day!!!!!!! I was so excited. He wanted to look at my ovary before he did any thing else though.
Unfortunately the ultrasound showed that I already have two cysts on my ovary. He said he is really concerned that I have two already when it hasn't even been a month since my surgery. He said we would do some blood work and if it came back that the cysts were not sending off too much hormone I would still be able to start the next day.
I got to meet with the Nurse next and she explained everything about the meds and shots and gave me a calendar that explained everything and it even included a due date!!! Dec. 15.
Now I was really excited.
They got my blood and I left on cloud 9.
Next day they didn't call. They told me they would call by 5, so I called left a message. They finally called me back at 6:30. It was bad news. They would have let me proceed if my hormone level was less than 70, it was 140! They also told me I am anemic and need to take an iron supplement. I told them that I had lost a lot of blood with my surgery. They agreed it might just be that but to take a supplement.
I held it together for about 15 minutes, but then reality sunk in and I was so sad!
Now I have to wait at least a month. They will do another ultrasound and blood test. If they are gone we will proceed. If not then they will put me on birth control. They want to see if the cysts go away on their own before giving me birth control, but I would rather just take it and get closer to In Vitro.
They know what they are doing though, so I do just need to be patient. It is still a huge rollercoaster ride!

Surgery

I was told by the Fertility Doc that he believed one of my tubes needed to be removed. So he had my local Doc do a dye test on me to see for sure if my tube was blocked.
This was a horrible procedure that hurt like hell on me. It of course was suppose to be only a little uncomfortable, but unfortunately for me, was so much worse than that.
I was very glad Ryan went with me to hold my hand. It felt like I was being stabbed on the inside of my body. It took him only about 30 minutes, but I was in pain for the next three days.
The Dye test showed that both tubes were blocked!! :( I was very upset and in pain and just wanted them all to leave me. The Doc said he would call the Fertility Doc and get back to me later that day. Well, It has been a week and a half with me making calls to make sure they didn't forget about me.
Today finally paid off. The Fertility Doc wants my local Doc to remove both of my tubes and a endometrioma with a Day surgery next week. Hopefully that is all it will be. Because last time I talked to the Fertility Doc he thought it might possibly be the kind of surgery where they open up my c-section scar to get in and clean it all out. Last time I had that done I was in a ton of pain!!!
This will mean that I will only be able to have children by doing In Vitro, no more miracle babies like Brynlee. But, that is okay. I just pray that it does all work out so that I can have another baby!

If you need a good laugh on my account!!

I have to start with the movie "Something about Mary" for you to truly know what I was thinking. The part where Ben Stiller's character zips up his beans and frank in his zipper and everyone has to come and look and freak out!!!
OK, so Ryan and I are finally lucky enough to go to the fertility clinic and see what we need to do to get started with In Vitro. We got our first visit on my birthday (happy birthday to me present). The Doc did an ultrasound that discovered three cysts and what he thought looked like a fibroid. The fibroid is a non cancerous tumor. So, he wanted me to come back to do a saline sonogram to know if I have to have surgery before we can do anything. You have to be at a certain point in your womanly cycle for this to work, so he scheduled me to come on Dec. 24 before he left on vacation.

So I get there with Ryan on the 24th. They tell me this is a very uncomfortable procedure. So, first off it is not my Doc. My Doc decided to take his vaca early. So this other Doc doesn't know any of my history and is trying to do catch up, so he wants another ultrasound first so he knows what he is dealing with. Right off the bat the machine goes down and we have to wait for it to reboot. Then he does that and finds no fibroid. Then he tries to do the catheter to put in the saline. I inform him that every Doc has had trouble with getting it to go in. So he wants to try something else. When he goes to take out the thing that holds you open down stairs, he discovers that it is broke inside of me!!!!! He can not turn the knob of it to get it down. he looks and Ryan and say: "Sir are you feeling strong? Do you want to give it a try?" Ryan says : "NO!" The Doc looked horrifying and calls in a few more nurses. So here I am spread eagle on this dang table with all these nurses and the Doc trying to figure out how to get this out of me!!! I of course thought of the movie Something about Mary and was a little worried they would be calling in lots of people to try and deal with the situation. How vulnerable am I at this point. I was trying to hold it together, but freaking out inside!!! They finally after about 10 minutes got some plyers and got the bolt to turn and got it out.
The Doc tells me that never in his 20 years has anything like that ever happened before to him! (Thanks that makes me feel all better!) So he tells his nurse to throw that one away! Then he chooses a smaller one. That one after about 1 minute shots out on it own hurting like hell on the way out! He looks at me again and says how sorry he is that he know that hurts. (Yeah, I really doubt he KNOWS how that feels.)
Then he proclaims he finally got the catheter in . I tell him I feel lots of water coming out. He says that is normal, then say "Oh, I guess it isn't in."
So they go about trying again. Only this time they use the ultrasound machine to guide it. (Mind you all of this is kinda painful!!) When he finally gets it, it seriously lasted like 20 seconds and he said the machine took about 2000 pictures and he got what he needed.
He almost ran from the room he was so embarrassed about all the things that went wrong.

After we left Ryan and I could laugh about it, but while it was happening, it was pretty dang freaky!

Christmas 2009

Christmas morning was very funny. Brynlee was so concerned that Santa was still in our house. She wouldn't let Ryan go, until she looked around and was satisfied that Santa was not here. Then she really enjoyed all the things Santa left for her. It was a fun filled day that we spent with both our families. We have truly been blessed with such great families in our lives. Thanks everyone for a wonderful Christmas!

Seven Years!

So of course I can't figure out how to upload a picture, but 7 years ago today I married my love Ryan! I remember I was so extremely excited to be getting married to the man I loved more than anything. Of course things have changed, I still of course love him. It's just that real life has happened, and it is not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes we do fight, but I wouldn't change one minute of our lovely marriage together. Ryan is a wonderful Father and I love my handsome man very much! I still remember the first day I meet him and how sad I was that I didn't think I would ever see him again. He was with some of my friends and I never dreamed he would look me up and call me to go out. When I look back at my journals, I feel in love with him fast and knew right from the beginning that we were meant to be together. He felt the same way, but wanted to wait to get married. He enjoyed living at home for free too much. So it we dated for almost two years. It would have been sooner if I would have jumped from a bridge into the water went we went bridge jumping in the summer, but I was too scared. Of course that is why he told me that of course.
Anyway, I just wanted to write that I love Ryan more than anything and I am so extremely happy that he came into my life and that he is going to be with me for all eternity!!! I live for him and Brynlee they mean everything to me, with out them I would be lost.
Love you Ryan

Watch and Jean Party

I just wanted you all to know I am almost to my goal of In Vitro. I am still trying to get there! So This Saturday Dec. 19 I am having another beading open house and I will have a girl here selling really cute jeans too. Feel free to stop by any time between 10 am and 2! I always post this on my facebook, but thought I would share it here too.

Better Late than Never

Yes, I know. Halloween is over and Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but I just got these posted. Sorry. I think they are pretty cute though. I can't believe how fast my little girl is growing. She is so much fun. I loved hearing her say "trick or treat". She loved Halloween and still talks about it. She had so much fun trick or treating with my class at Melalueca, at Boo at the Zoo, and Trunk or treating. Too bad I didn't get to do all that as a kid. We just had a pillow case and the neighborhood. Times have a changed!! :)

Bracelet Watches

Here are a couple examples of the cute watch bracelets I make. For the few of you who have never seen these, you can attach the bracelet to the same watch face, or get lots of both and mix and match. Lots of fun! I do parties at my house, where you can build your own for $12 for the bracelet and $12 for the face. If you buy the ones I make, they are $20, but I will cut you a deal if you buy a set. I have been doing parties and they are so much fun. I have one this Friday. Next Wed. I am going to do an open house @ my work and then I am going to do one the following Tues. at my mother in laws school and I will be doing the super Saturday for Church, but if more of you would like to host a party, I am more than willing to open my house or bring my beads to your house. I just made a new order for beads and watch faces, so get a hold of me quick if you want to do one or look at them.
I am really hoping I can earn money as quickly as possible so I can do In Vitro.

Fund Raising

So here are a couple of ideas I have for raising money.
My Mother in law made the cute apron and the woman who does my nails made Brynlee the cute hooded towel. Plus I thought I could order a lot of necklaces online as well as more beads and do a couple big open houses and send out flyer's or something to tell why I am doing this. Tell me if you think they are cute and weather or not you think I could make it work!

Not my time. :(

This week last weekend I have felt very crampy so I figured I wasn't prego and decided that I am not going to do any more IUI's. I decided I am going to go with IFV and try to do some fund raising or something to get on that as soon as possible.
Then the strangest thing happened. I always, always start spotting by day 26 or 27, but I haven't yet. So then I start to suspect maybe it finally worked. I am suppose to test tomorrow, but I begged the doc to let me today and get my agony over with. Well, the results from the blood test were negative. I was at a 2 again when you need to be at a 19 or higher to be pregnant.
Yes I was very upset as usual. Everyone at work already knows and were very gracious to give me the love and support I needed.
I really feel like this isn't something I can keep waiting on. A good friend of mine has a sister who has endometriosis like I do. She had to go in this last weekend in pain. They found her ovary had twisted over to the side and died, plus a huge cyst was in their and the endometrium had grown onto her bowels and intestines, sticking them together.
While I was pregnant with Brynlee, the endometrium stuck my bowels to my uterus. I am so afraid that something like that will happen to me and I will not be able to have more children. The Doctor only gave me those few times with IUI because he really feels that In Vitro is my only option. He just humored me with some try's.
So, I may be doing some fund raisers here soon to try and earn the money for In Vitro as soon as possible. I can not imagine not ever getting to experience pregnancy again. I loved feeling Brynlee move inside me, and to get to hold a new born baby that is yours is unreal!
Yes, I know motherhood isn't all sunshine and roses, but I am so grateful that I at least got to experience it. It has changed our lives for the better. Brynlee is a huge blessing and I am so grateful for her every day, even when she is naughty and frustrating me. She makes up for it with all her good behavior and love.

Number Four!

Yesterday I went in for another try at the IUI. This was my most painful visit so far. He had to use lots of instruments to get inside. He told me that every one's anatomy is different and that it is just harder for me. He said he rarely see problems like mine. I really wish that wasn't the case, but no pain, no gain right. That is the saying, so hopefully we will get another miracle out of this, so here's to praying for another chance!

Not a charm!

So, third time was not the charm! We are not pregnant. Their is a big story with this one though. I went in to have the IUI done on Thursday. By Friday afternoon I was starting to hurt. It was just like the pain I had with my cysts. By Saturday morning I could hardly move it hurt so bad. But I had a beading watch party @ 2, so I had to clean the house. Ryan was nice and helped. But, then he left with Brynlee because he didn't want to be here for the party. I took medicine and tried my best not to look like I was hurting. The party went well, but I was so cold. When everyone left, I took my temp. It was 103.2! I was shocked. So I took more med and fell asleep. It was only 5:30p.m. But I slept till Ryan got home @ 7. I told him I wanted a blessing, because I was really afraid what was going on inside my body. I was worried the temp would kill any chance I had. So He gave me one and I went to bed. The next morning I still had a temp and I was still in pain, but it had decreased a little. I went to Sacrament, but it really hurt to sit there, so I left and went home and napped more. I called my co teacher to tell her to come in for my early shift and I would try to be their by her normal time.
Monday morning came with my fever braking and the pain subsiding a little more. So I did go to work holding my side to control the pain. I called my Doctor and he didn't like what I said and wanted me to come in right away.
He did an exam on me and ordered some blood work and an ultrasound. So I basically spent all of Monday in waiting rooms. He wanted me to come back after my tests.
At my ultrasound I could see a tiny little sac that the tech measured. I asked her what it was, and she ignored me. When I got to the Doctors office he told me I had Hyper stimulated Ovaries. He said it is so rare that they never even warn people of the possibility of it with comid. So I asked if the chance this go round was over due to the fever and everything else and he told me that he really hesitates to tell me the next part. He told me about the tiny sac that they saw on the ultrasound was consistent with an early pregnancy. He told me I could be pregnant right now, so to take it really easy because it might not stick. I of course couldn't hold back my tears. I was so excited for the chance to be pregnant. He told me if it didn't work he would let me try again with a different drug called femara. He also told me he would let me take a pregnancy test early. So he ordered one for Friday.
I tried to take it easy all week, and when Friday came I was so excited to hear the confirmation that I was pregnant, but instead they told me I was not. They said I was at a 2 when you need to be over a 19 to be pregnant. I wasn't expecting that. They told me their was a tiny chance it could be wrong so to call when I started or if I didn't. So I cried and called Ryan to tell him.
Then I chose to believe that the test was wrong and that Heavenly Father could make the miracle happen.
But then Thursday night I started and I knew I was not pregnant. At least it gave me time to pull myself together before having to call the Doc the next morning. So on Monday I start Femara and get to have another try. He told me that I could get Hyper stimulated Ovaries again, but a lot of people who don't get pregnant on Clomid get pregnant on Femara. So I pray that I can become pregnant and get off this horrible roller coaster of emotions!!!!!!
It really sucks to think you might be pregnant only to find out it didn't take. It makes me really sad and makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. I know we need Heavenly Fathers help to make this work and I really hope that his timing will line up with ours soon. I really don't think I can handle much more of this. Plus I wonder what I did wrong to not let that last one stick. Should I have taken the whole week off and just lied in bed? These are some of the things I wonder.
At least I do have another shot at this. So keep those prayers coming in for us, we need them. I also need prayers of comfort to try to keep myself together here. It really sucks not feeling normal. I want my body to work the right way. I know we all get our trials in life and that they will make us stronger, but I also know sometimes you hit rock bottom before feeling better. I don't know where I fall in this.

Third Time

So, tomorrow I will go in for our third try of the IUI. I really pray this one works! They had a really hard time last time and of course that caused me pain. I really think if it comes down to doing In Vitro, It will be longer than I want due to funds. It costs a lot!!! I know it would be worth it though. So pray for us, We really want more in our family.

Bear World

So, I knew I would never take Brynlee to Bear World on my own, so I took her when I took my class. She was so good too. I knew all the kids in my class would help with her, because they all want to hold her hand. Anyway, she had a blast as well as my whole class. She really liked sitting on my lap and pretending to drive while we looked at the animals. We did this the end of July, but every time Brynlee see's a bus she signs bus to me and Bear. It is so cute to see she remembers things so well.
The last picture we were at the Rexburg Spray Park. She wouldn't even let me put her down. She hates to get her head wet. So maybe next year she might like that one.

Try #2

Okay, it has been a week, so I can talk about it. Try # 2 didn't work. I was really disappointed this time. I cried all day on Wed. So we are on try #3. I really don't know if it is even possible for me to get pregnant this way. My endometriosis might not let the egg out to where the sperm can make contact. Before the Doc told me he would only let me try 3 times, so this might be our last try this way. It may have to be in vitro or adoption, in which case you will see me having lots of bracelet making parties to try and pay for it.



Bracelets
I did want to tell everyone that I was going to start doing parties to make those cute watch bracelets. Marnie and I ordered a lot of fun beads and watch faces, so if anyone is interested in having their friends over to host a party give me a call. It is so much fun! Sorry, that doesn't go with what I was writing, but I did want everyone to know. I already have a friend doing one on the 15th at 2 if you want to come to that one. You can bring friends ! Watch faces 10 to 12 dollars, and it will be $12 to make one or $20 to buy one I already made. 208-757-9740 to get a hold of me. :)

Round Two!

Well, I got to go in and try for our second time. She said everything looked good, but then she had trouble actually doing the procedure. I guess all my problems inside are creating my body to not line up exactly. So I got to endure 25 minutes of being very uncomfortable and it did hurt unfortunately.
I went and lied down when I was done, and Brynlee was still acting sick. Then this horrid cough started happening. Later I noticed she felt really hot. Her temp was 102.8! Poor thing. I took her to the Doc, and he thinks she has croup! Yeah, everything really does have to happen at once. At least it wasn't her ears.
So, I really pray everything turns out this go round. The Doctor will only let me try one more time after this one, because I am most likely causing damage with my cysts. Clomid and cysts do not mix. So every one keep your fingers crossed!

Life is Crazy!

Today I woke up with good new, I got the smiley face on my ovulation kit. Then Brynlee started crying. I went into get her and she was burning up! I gave her Motrin, and continued getting ready for work because I knew their was no way anyone else could get in their faster than I could. She started acting fine too, so I didn't feel too bad yet. She just got her tubes in a week ago, so I did call her Doc. They said he is in surgery's till later and that he will want to see her because it hasn't been that long since her surgery.
Then I call my Doc. I get the nurse who says he is going out of town tomorrow so he will want to do it today. I was then worried because I was afraid that might lower my chances of getting pregnant. She said she would talk to the Doc and get back to me.
Then Brynlee's teachers come to me and tell me she is crying uncontrollably. She wasn't' pulling at her ear they said, but she had her Binky and blanket and was still crying. I told them I would just take her.
When I got her she told me her ear hurt and started pulling at it. So now I knew I was going to have to take her home, even though I already used up all my vacation time! So, as I am getting ready to leave the Doc's nurse calls me. She wants to know if I would like another Doctor to do it. The woman who was my Doc while I was pregnant with Brynlee. I said that would be fine. So now, I am going to have to miss work again tomorrow to try for another baby!!!!!
I'm excited and stressed out all at the same time! They think the only opening they have is at 11:30 Which is the worst possible time because of Movie Day tomorrow. Which means I might just have to miss an entire days work again. This will be a really bad pay check!
That is why I think life is crazy!!!!

Tubes

Brynlee is going in tomorrow morning at 5:30a.m. to get her tubes. I think it is crazy to have to be there so early, but I am glad she is the first surgery. I'm a little nervous just because she is my precious little girl and I don't want her to hurt at all, but I know she really needs them. So tomorrow I will be at home with a grumpy monkey I'm sure!! :) Everyone tells me that tubes are easy and she will be fine. So lets hope for the best.

Also a little side note. The Doctor doubled my dose of clomid and we are trying for round two pretty soon. So keep us in your prayers. Thanks

SeaWorld

We went to SeaWorld yesterday. Brynlee has an Elmo doll she loves, but of course she freaked out when she actually saw him. When we were a safe distance away, she waved and said "Hi Elmo, and bye Elmo!" It was so cute.
They also had a tank that she could touch star fish and she didn't want to leave that. The picture with all of us was at the dolphin show. Brynlee loved watching them jump.

Tea Cups

Fun with Daddy!

Our Family at Disneyland

The beginning of a fun filled day. Brynlee is not quite two, but she still had a ball at Disneyland. Her favorite was the tea cups. She would have done those all day if we would have let her. Unfortunatey for me, those make me want to puke! We were their all day long! I was so exhausted when we left. So was Brynlee. I can see why everyone loves to go to Disneyland. :)

Actor sighting

This is the actor Naveen Andrews from LOST! I saw him while I was in Disney Land. I am a huge fan the the show, so as he walked by Ryan and I were like holy cow! He was just a couple of steps from me. His girlfriend is also an actress, her name is Barbra Hershey. I couldn't think of it while we were there. But as I took this picture he was looking directly at me. He apolized to me he thought he stepped in my way. I said no, I'm sorry I was just taking your picture. He smiled. We saw him a couple more times through out the park. No was was bothering them, which really surprized me. But a woman asked them as they came up the ramp if their was an actor down there. She didn't realize she was asking the actor. After they walked off she felt stupid, but said she never watches that show. They were with another couple that my father in law said was also an actor, but I didn't recognize him. It really made my day. I have never seen any one famous and was very excited. He looks just like he does on LOST and his voice was too. It was really cool.